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What B-T Taught Me About Being a Parent How many of us idolized the Rays, planning that when we were parents we would be just like them? I certainly did. The affectionate Rays, with their strong sense of tradition and respect for privacy, struck me as ideal. But since becoming a parent myself several months ago, it occurred to me that other lessons might exist in the B-T books. Might the Kellys, the Mullers, the Sibleys, etc. have lessons to teach? With that question in mind, I hunkered down for yet another rereading (though my first while bouncing an infant on my knee!). In the process, I discovered a surprise—a character, not a favorite, this time revealed herself as the embodiment of most of the qualities I hope to instill in my own daughter. Who was this paragon? Read on . . . In the first books, we catch several telling glimpses of Tacy and Tib’s parents. I love how each family fosters independence in their daughters; the girls go on picnics alone with nary a suggestion that a bigger girl or adult accompany them. The mothers readily loan items for the girls’ play—Mrs. Muller provides a carpet for the log house; Mrs. Kelly contributes the rug for the piano box—and all three mothers let the girls use their houses to put on plays. The parents also set limits; in the high school books we’re told that none of the mothers liked bobsled parties. The daughters have curfews, but for one week the parents are indulgent about nightly parties because they too regret that Bonnie is leaving. I love that other parents care about their daughters’ friend, that they’re willing to be a bit flexible with the rules for an unusual circumstance. Being willing to set firm limits and yet still being open to “shades of gray” strikes me as an important parenting skill. The individual families also have their own lessons to teach: The Kellys I especially like how the family responds to Betsy, their daughter’s oldest and dearest friend. Mrs. Kelly remembers exactly how long they’ve know each other. The Kellys fuss over Betsy whenever she comes to visit. When Betsy returns from Murmuring Lake, Mrs. Kelly bakes Betsy’s favorite devil’s food cake. (Kids! Kids! Is this the answer to the famous “Mrs. Kelly’s cake” question?!) And that’s my final lesson from the Kellys: Nothin’ says lovin’ like something from the oven. I plan to bake bread and give my daughter and her friends a piece, and stir up fresh cake to serve with dinner whenever I can. Fresh hot baked goods can soothe the soul. The Mullers But the Mullers are exceedingly sensible people. Mrs. Muller believes in children knowing how to work, and Tib is highly accomplished in the domestic arts, far more so than Betsy or Tacy. The Mullers are also open to “shades of gray”—they allow Betsy and Tacy to spend the night before the herbariums are due—on a school night, no less—but they do not abandon their good sense; they make many pointed remarks about how this task could have been accomplished earlier. When choosing clothes for a fussy daughter, Mrs. Muller makes the most sensible choice of all: Tib is told to make her clothes herself and has the skills to do so, an inspired solution for dealing with a crabby adolescent, I must say. I also like their fondness for Betsy; when she is invited for Christmas (and what a lovely thing to do!), they are thrilled to see her and treat her as part of the family. She has Christmas presents, she’s offered a sip of beer, and she’s encouraged to speak German. This, then, was my surprise. Tib is not my favorite character—I’m more drawn to the creative and romantic Betsy and Tacy—but Tib’s self-confidence, practicality, and unfailing good humor really stood out for me this time. Certainly, these are three traits I would be thrilled for my daughter to possess.
Other Parents I will encourage my daughter’s friends to come to the house. Like Mrs. Andrews, I enjoy young people and plan to chat with them a bit before discreetly retiring. I also expect to have house a full of books—barring theft or fire, that one’s already covered. Cab’s father is stern; he expects his son to fulfill his school assignments and earn his own pocket money, and what’s wrong with that? Children should learn to manage money; nothing wrong with having them earn it themselves. And I plan to be involved in school affairs ‡ la Mrs. Humphreys; you’ll see me serving punch at the dances, if young people are still having “punch” and “dances” so many years from now. In short, I plan to be involved in my daughter’s life as much as is appropriate. I certainly expect to know and enjoy her friends. As much as I can do to instill a sense of independence and spirit, I will, and I also want to foster her kindness. And her imagination. And her empathy for others. And her love of a good book. And . . . and . . . and . . . Of one thing I’m quite sure: It won’t take much effort on my part to get her to enjoy a piece of freshly baked cake. —Jennifer Davis-Kay, a resident of Newton, Massachusetts, became a parent on August 5, 1997. She can’t wait to introduce her daughter, Melanie, to Betsy and Tacy; so far, Melanie’s response has been a lot of drool (probably in response to the cake).
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